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Detour [userpic]
LOL MGS
by Detour (detour)
at May 1st, 2008 (06:30 pm)
MOOD: lolling

An awesome post on Metal Gear Solid 2's 'plot', by StriderKyo @ TNL:

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Please help me see if I understood what I just played:

- The Illuminati all died 100 years ago, rule America with a shadowy fist and are on a mission to control the internet with giant robots and Russian cowboys.

- Bill Clinton is secretly Dr. Octopus, and knows how to use katanas. And when he was young, Dr. Clintoctopus forced white kids to fight in African civil wars by putting gunpowder in their food and showing them Die Hard. Also, he is a clone of Solid Snake.

-The Tanker Incident was just a setup to create the Big Shell Incident which was just a setup to recreate the Shadow Moses Incident which was just a setup to make Solid Snake "ready for anything," even though he'd already defeated like two whole countries with only a rocket launcher and a cardboard box. Also, the whole multi-billion dollar plan was all to train Raiden to make him like Snake, but then he's allowed to just walk away and now everybody knows the Patriots' evil plot.

-Dr. Clintoctopus' plan is to take over the Metal Gears to launch nuclear weapons above Manhattan to create an emc pulse that will wipe out every electronic device in New York as a diversion so that he can get the names of the Patriots out of the computer he's been standing next to for like two days. He kidnaps the President so that he can get the launch codes for the nukes. But wait! His plan is actually a TRIPLE CROSS against his own army, because he doesn't really want the nukes, only the information from the computer that he doesn't at any point try to get. He only hired an army of fat people on roller skates and Russian mercenaries and kidnapped the president because it was the only distraction he could think of while he went after the Patriots.

- Fortune wasn't immune to bullets, but she really was, except sometimes.

- Otacon left his kid sister to drown in the pool when she was 6 because he was screwing his stepmom, which made his father kill himself. His 16 year old sister then decided to create an artificial intelligence capable of controlling every information system in the world to get back at him. But she wears glasses to be more like him even though her vision is fine.

- Raiden's girlfriend is a spy who is also digital plankton from the Whitehouse from 200 years ago. And even though she controls the minds of every feeble minded American and Raiden doesn't know who she is or what she actually really looks like, he still loves her and wants to marry her. Baby on the way!

That game was fucking awesome. I have to play part 3 now.

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Comments

Posted by: mangocoma (mangocoma)
Posted at: May 1st, 2008 02:37 pm (UTC)

The funny thing is, while that's mostly true, the next one of the best stories of video game history.

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